Monday, October 22, 2007
No more rain
People keep telling me that Utah has not seen this much rain in 6 years. Finally last weekend it didn’t rain. It snowed, 3”-5” in most parts of the valley. Of course this is the desert so it’s all gone today. I’m sure more will come next weekend.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Mean Kitty
It's really unlike me to promote someone elses work but I can't get this song out of my head so I feel I have to share The Mean Kitty Song.
The 10th time through it actually got to be quite annoying. Listen to the tune at the beginning. Now notice its in the background the entire video and it's really bothering me. The entire skit could have been so much better without that tune. This is going to keep me up at night.
Already at over 3,000,000 views, shit like this spreads faster then VD in Nevada, which gives gives me an awesome idea for promoting my companies game.
Sorry mom.
The 10th time through it actually got to be quite annoying. Listen to the tune at the beginning. Now notice its in the background the entire video and it's really bothering me. The entire skit could have been so much better without that tune. This is going to keep me up at night.
Already at over 3,000,000 views, shit like this spreads faster then VD in Nevada, which gives gives me an awesome idea for promoting my companies game.
Sorry mom.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Netflix
I am holding firm in my determination to remain cable TV free for the duration of my stay in Utah. I realize my personality is highly susceptible to distractions and having the ability to plop down on my couch will have me wasting many hours that could be used more fruitfully.
I do however realize that the absolute lifestyle isn’t for me and for this reason I have decided to order Netflix . The way I see it, this will actually save me time because I won’t be as tempted to see every single flick that comes to the big screen, because it’s difficult to resist at $4.50 for the matinee shows.
The service is great for casual movie watchers, but the rating system is inadequate for movie lovers like myself and my friend Joe. The rating system is based on 1 to 5 stars, 1 or 2 and you hate it, 3 to 5 go from liked it to loved it. Unfortunately this system will not be able to determine which movies I enjoy based on my choices which I either don’t rate due to not having seen them or rate at 4 or 5 stars. I really love movies, all movies really in the genres I tent to see.
What I really need is a 6th star for movies that were super awesome good such as all the resident Evil movies and anything starring Tom Hanks and then a 7th star where I would place such movies as the Matrix and Lord of the rings.
I do however realize that the absolute lifestyle isn’t for me and for this reason I have decided to order Netflix . The way I see it, this will actually save me time because I won’t be as tempted to see every single flick that comes to the big screen, because it’s difficult to resist at $4.50 for the matinee shows.
The service is great for casual movie watchers, but the rating system is inadequate for movie lovers like myself and my friend Joe. The rating system is based on 1 to 5 stars, 1 or 2 and you hate it, 3 to 5 go from liked it to loved it. Unfortunately this system will not be able to determine which movies I enjoy based on my choices which I either don’t rate due to not having seen them or rate at 4 or 5 stars. I really love movies, all movies really in the genres I tent to see.
What I really need is a 6th star for movies that were super awesome good such as all the resident Evil movies and anything starring Tom Hanks and then a 7th star where I would place such movies as the Matrix and Lord of the rings.
Addendum
I feel it is important to add to the post bellow that the reason why I was so disappointed with the Christians who thought it was their duty to heckle the Mormons is that there is one main difference between Mormons and Christians.
The “original” Christians believe that God, Christ and the Holy Ghost are both separate and the same deity and that how this can be true is beyond human understanding. Mormons (who are also Christians) believe that they are just separate, which makes a lot more sense to me. People die over such small differences in another part of the world. I’ll be damned if I’m going to support such behavior in my America.
What I was really thinking as I drove away, was that I would love to see these same people fly to Israel and try the same tactics at a Synagogue in front of Jews who have decided to never turn the other cheek again.
Their comments were simply ignorant and nothing that day made me feel a greater appreciation for the Mormon religion then watching them walk calmly past these individuals in such great numbers.
It also was unfair for me to state that the “entire” session was an infomercial with no persons attempting to deliver a moral message as is common for a religious gathering.
In fact the show began with an apostle who was likely in his 90’s attempting to deliver just such a speech, however he was shaking badly within 3 minutes requiring another apostle to physically support him from behind. Despite his obvious pain the man persevered and delivered his entire message although to me it was unintelligible. Still his determination was admirable.
The “original” Christians believe that God, Christ and the Holy Ghost are both separate and the same deity and that how this can be true is beyond human understanding. Mormons (who are also Christians) believe that they are just separate, which makes a lot more sense to me. People die over such small differences in another part of the world. I’ll be damned if I’m going to support such behavior in my America.
What I was really thinking as I drove away, was that I would love to see these same people fly to Israel and try the same tactics at a Synagogue in front of Jews who have decided to never turn the other cheek again.
Their comments were simply ignorant and nothing that day made me feel a greater appreciation for the Mormon religion then watching them walk calmly past these individuals in such great numbers.
It also was unfair for me to state that the “entire” session was an infomercial with no persons attempting to deliver a moral message as is common for a religious gathering.
In fact the show began with an apostle who was likely in his 90’s attempting to deliver just such a speech, however he was shaking badly within 3 minutes requiring another apostle to physically support him from behind. Despite his obvious pain the man persevered and delivered his entire message although to me it was unintelligible. Still his determination was admirable.
General Conference
Mormonism is a benign religion preaching (although not practicing) acceptance of other cultures. If my coworkers could be promoted as the sole representatives of the faith, the Mormon religion would gain far wider acceptance then its current 13 Million members, numbering only slightly higher than the World of Warcraft players of Earth.
There are many stereotypes regarding the Mormon religion and from my brief stay in Utah I have learned that no person professing to follow the Mormon religion as promoted by the Church of Latter day Saints (LDS Church) practices polygamy. The rest is all fairly accurate. Today I had the pleasure of attending the largest Mormon gathering in the US, the 177th General Conference. A semi annual event when top church officials work together to produce a televised marketing campaign.
It was actually an extremely disappointing experience. Prior to entering I encountered Christian fanatics whose God obviously told them it was their mission to come out to vocally condemn the Mormons.
I left without conversing with these individuals content only in my knowledge that they would become thoroughly soaked in the freezing downpour and would get their wish of meeting their god soon enough.
My parking pass, admission ticket and the jacket that held both; stated that no recording devices were permitted inside the church, which made me a bit anxious regarding my planned recording excursion. I tried to keep cool as I emptied my pockets including my camera phone prior to walking past the extremely large and I imagine well armed gentleman guarding the metal detectors. A lady operating the machine actually picked up my phone and asked out loud what it was, phone I said, ringer on silent, as I swiped it from her grasp and shoved it in a pocket hurrying past.
My ticket was inspected by no less than a dozen attendants each directing me closer to my assigned section. I was not surprised by the number of staff assigned to keep order during the event, although disappointed when Linda was stationed next to my seat as if to make sure I conducted myself properly.
Linda watched me like a hawk, and yet like a weasel I managed to snap a few shots as she scurried up and down the aisles.
The lights dimmed to signal the start of the event and everyone bowed their heads in a prayer lead by a church official on stage. I never before appreciated American cultural diversity until this moment when it was evident the one token black choir boy was the only African American in the room. Then the commercials began.
As the public relations director for my company I am familiar with spin when it slaps me in the face. The entire service was nothing less than a 2 hour long infomercial. A speech preaching acceptance of other races and cultures was delivered by a Chinese man, one of three in the room. A top official preached on the benefits of Mormonism, sighting longer life spans and a divorce rate lower than the national average. Judging by the 5 to 1 ratio of LDS women with children looking for male companionship on a popular dating site, I have to believe he meant 49.5%.
I was really hoping to see what the religion was about instead of 2 hours obviously meant to promote the religion to those who may be tuning in out of curiosity. The high point of the show was a cute girl sitting next to me slipping a note into my lap. It read “I found Mormonism when I was 18 … changed my life … my husband … invite you to learn more”. Crap, I forgot to wear a white T-shirt to mimic the religious garments worn by those of the Mormon faith. Either that or my uncontrolled giggling during a hymn sung by the choir “Gird up your Loins”. Yes I know, very mature.
I realize I only fall back on the Jewish faith when it is convenient but I can’t think of a more appropriate time in my life when claiming complete faith to another religion would have been more beneficial. We Jews actually have it fairly good. A Jew can eat bacon and neglect Synagogue for, what’s it been? Over 20 years and still remain every bit a Jew.
Toward the end of the 2 hour session, I noticed people beginning to fidget. No longer were men bowing with eyes closed when a new official would say a prayer prior to his presentation and women were digging deep in their purses for what I found out soon enough were full sized cameras. During the last 10 minutes flashes could be seen from every section.
More Christians had arrived with signs by the time I made it outside. Not the most intelligent thing to do in a state that can bar cameras but not guns from buildings of worship.
There are many stereotypes regarding the Mormon religion and from my brief stay in Utah I have learned that no person professing to follow the Mormon religion as promoted by the Church of Latter day Saints (LDS Church) practices polygamy. The rest is all fairly accurate. Today I had the pleasure of attending the largest Mormon gathering in the US, the 177th General Conference. A semi annual event when top church officials work together to produce a televised marketing campaign.
It was actually an extremely disappointing experience. Prior to entering I encountered Christian fanatics whose God obviously told them it was their mission to come out to vocally condemn the Mormons.
I left without conversing with these individuals content only in my knowledge that they would become thoroughly soaked in the freezing downpour and would get their wish of meeting their god soon enough.
My parking pass, admission ticket and the jacket that held both; stated that no recording devices were permitted inside the church, which made me a bit anxious regarding my planned recording excursion. I tried to keep cool as I emptied my pockets including my camera phone prior to walking past the extremely large and I imagine well armed gentleman guarding the metal detectors. A lady operating the machine actually picked up my phone and asked out loud what it was, phone I said, ringer on silent, as I swiped it from her grasp and shoved it in a pocket hurrying past.
My ticket was inspected by no less than a dozen attendants each directing me closer to my assigned section. I was not surprised by the number of staff assigned to keep order during the event, although disappointed when Linda was stationed next to my seat as if to make sure I conducted myself properly.
Linda watched me like a hawk, and yet like a weasel I managed to snap a few shots as she scurried up and down the aisles.
The lights dimmed to signal the start of the event and everyone bowed their heads in a prayer lead by a church official on stage. I never before appreciated American cultural diversity until this moment when it was evident the one token black choir boy was the only African American in the room. Then the commercials began.
As the public relations director for my company I am familiar with spin when it slaps me in the face. The entire service was nothing less than a 2 hour long infomercial. A speech preaching acceptance of other races and cultures was delivered by a Chinese man, one of three in the room. A top official preached on the benefits of Mormonism, sighting longer life spans and a divorce rate lower than the national average. Judging by the 5 to 1 ratio of LDS women with children looking for male companionship on a popular dating site, I have to believe he meant 49.5%.
I was really hoping to see what the religion was about instead of 2 hours obviously meant to promote the religion to those who may be tuning in out of curiosity. The high point of the show was a cute girl sitting next to me slipping a note into my lap. It read “I found Mormonism when I was 18 … changed my life … my husband … invite you to learn more”. Crap, I forgot to wear a white T-shirt to mimic the religious garments worn by those of the Mormon faith. Either that or my uncontrolled giggling during a hymn sung by the choir “Gird up your Loins”. Yes I know, very mature.
I realize I only fall back on the Jewish faith when it is convenient but I can’t think of a more appropriate time in my life when claiming complete faith to another religion would have been more beneficial. We Jews actually have it fairly good. A Jew can eat bacon and neglect Synagogue for, what’s it been? Over 20 years and still remain every bit a Jew.
Toward the end of the 2 hour session, I noticed people beginning to fidget. No longer were men bowing with eyes closed when a new official would say a prayer prior to his presentation and women were digging deep in their purses for what I found out soon enough were full sized cameras. During the last 10 minutes flashes could be seen from every section.
More Christians had arrived with signs by the time I made it outside. Not the most intelligent thing to do in a state that can bar cameras but not guns from buildings of worship.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Camo cat
I am susceptible to short periods of laziness lasting only as long as minor obstacles present themselves, so downpours of rain and hail are enough to deter me from making a trek through the woods 2 weeks in a row. I've been extremely lucky all my life, which is why I must seek reasons outside of coincidence for this latest pattern of weekend rain. If the great men of science from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can diagnose the reason for global warming, surely through abstract science I can determine the reason for these unusual downpours in the desert.
I have hard evidence that Utah was crime free prior to my arrival. In addition I've been told that Utah has been experiencing an extreme drought for the last 6 years. If you can believe that my arrival did not in itself introduce a shady element, which I know is a stretch, then you can infer that the amount of crime is directly proportional to the rain. Which only by coincidence has started on the exact date of my landing in Salt Lake.
I give you a simple game store owner, content in his grim existence devoid of female distractions. Had I not been giving an intern a ride home who knew of the stores location I would not have found it despite my GPS telling me I had arrived. The store you see was devoid of signage. This perturbed me. Why would a store owner run a business establishment without proper signage? I was about to put this inquiry to the grim proprietor, when the intern stopped me and in doing so probably saved my life. You see only weeks prior someone had stolen the large signage over his shop and he was extremely grumpy in regards to anyone bringing up the subject.
Those of you who read this blog in the security that you have seen your last cat may want to stop here, for now I bring you some photos at the request of my family. My sister asked me what do I see when I open my front door. She was disappointed with the answer being the door across the hall, however if I walk down half a flight of stairs onto the sidewalk I am presented with this site.
My mom was wondering how I live, so following is a photo of one of the items I picked up this weekend to make this place feel more like home.
Since this isn't just my home, here is a closeup of the other resident blending into the new furniture.
I have hard evidence that Utah was crime free prior to my arrival. In addition I've been told that Utah has been experiencing an extreme drought for the last 6 years. If you can believe that my arrival did not in itself introduce a shady element, which I know is a stretch, then you can infer that the amount of crime is directly proportional to the rain. Which only by coincidence has started on the exact date of my landing in Salt Lake.
I give you a simple game store owner, content in his grim existence devoid of female distractions. Had I not been giving an intern a ride home who knew of the stores location I would not have found it despite my GPS telling me I had arrived. The store you see was devoid of signage. This perturbed me. Why would a store owner run a business establishment without proper signage? I was about to put this inquiry to the grim proprietor, when the intern stopped me and in doing so probably saved my life. You see only weeks prior someone had stolen the large signage over his shop and he was extremely grumpy in regards to anyone bringing up the subject.
Those of you who read this blog in the security that you have seen your last cat may want to stop here, for now I bring you some photos at the request of my family. My sister asked me what do I see when I open my front door. She was disappointed with the answer being the door across the hall, however if I walk down half a flight of stairs onto the sidewalk I am presented with this site.
My mom was wondering how I live, so following is a photo of one of the items I picked up this weekend to make this place feel more like home.
Since this isn't just my home, here is a closeup of the other resident blending into the new furniture.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Fifth times the charm
I've never been one to put up with stupid time consuming crap and choosing basic services is based as much on convenience as on quality. I realize Verizon is not the cheapest cell phone company and I have heard horror stories in regards to their customer service, but as long as I could pay my bills right on my cell phone it never really effected me.
Five months ago I got a call from the Verizon customer service department informing me that I was about to go over my monthly minutes which would be very expensive under my current plan. I was offered a new upgraded phone if I agreed to extend my contract for 2 years and up my plan to 1000 minutes. This sounded like a win win, so I wholeheartedly agreed.
Four months ago I got another call from Verizon telling me that due to technical difficulties, my agreement to the new contract had not been recorded and I would have to agree to all the terms, which the representative insisted in reading in slow monotonous tones one item at a time. I begged him to stop, telling him I would agree to all his terms, but he insisted that each one had to be read carefully and my agreement had to be recorded to each one. Fine, I persevered and finlay made it to the end of the presentation.
Three months ago, I got another call from Verizon telling me that I was not eligible for a free phone since I was agreeing to an upgraded contract and my old one had not run out, and if I could please agree to the terms again, under the new arrangement. Please no I pleaded with the man, but he would have none of it. 30 minutes later he had my torture recorded and I was out one new phone.
Two Months ago, I got a call from another Verizon representative telling me I now owed close to $700 because all my contracts were void and I was not allowed to have my agreements recorded in the state of Massachusetts. Instead I had to sign a contract that she would send me, after which she would agree to remove the extra charges due to going over the minutes I was already promised were mine by 3 other service reps.
Last month prior to leaving Massachusetts, trying to get my affairs in order, I drove to a Verizon service center. I signed a contract with a black pen and despite the service manager towering a foot over my head, made perfectly clear that I was signing up for 2 more years and had him remove all charges from my account.
This week I got a call from Verizon. Right away I asked to speak to the supervisor because I already knew what was coming. The supervisor informed me that my plan was going to expire in 2 months and offered me a free phone if I agreed to have my contract extended by 2 more years. She assured me she could extent this agreement over the phone.
Two months from now I am finally getting my brand new phone, with a larger keypad, much better camera and a brand new cell phone service provider.
Five months ago I got a call from the Verizon customer service department informing me that I was about to go over my monthly minutes which would be very expensive under my current plan. I was offered a new upgraded phone if I agreed to extend my contract for 2 years and up my plan to 1000 minutes. This sounded like a win win, so I wholeheartedly agreed.
Four months ago I got another call from Verizon telling me that due to technical difficulties, my agreement to the new contract had not been recorded and I would have to agree to all the terms, which the representative insisted in reading in slow monotonous tones one item at a time. I begged him to stop, telling him I would agree to all his terms, but he insisted that each one had to be read carefully and my agreement had to be recorded to each one. Fine, I persevered and finlay made it to the end of the presentation.
Three months ago, I got another call from Verizon telling me that I was not eligible for a free phone since I was agreeing to an upgraded contract and my old one had not run out, and if I could please agree to the terms again, under the new arrangement. Please no I pleaded with the man, but he would have none of it. 30 minutes later he had my torture recorded and I was out one new phone.
Two Months ago, I got a call from another Verizon representative telling me I now owed close to $700 because all my contracts were void and I was not allowed to have my agreements recorded in the state of Massachusetts. Instead I had to sign a contract that she would send me, after which she would agree to remove the extra charges due to going over the minutes I was already promised were mine by 3 other service reps.
Last month prior to leaving Massachusetts, trying to get my affairs in order, I drove to a Verizon service center. I signed a contract with a black pen and despite the service manager towering a foot over my head, made perfectly clear that I was signing up for 2 more years and had him remove all charges from my account.
This week I got a call from Verizon. Right away I asked to speak to the supervisor because I already knew what was coming. The supervisor informed me that my plan was going to expire in 2 months and offered me a free phone if I agreed to have my contract extended by 2 more years. She assured me she could extent this agreement over the phone.
Two months from now I am finally getting my brand new phone, with a larger keypad, much better camera and a brand new cell phone service provider.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
My tree
Back in the Ukraine my mom had a carved picture of an Aspen tree. I spent many nights falling asleep looking at that carving thinking it must be the most buitiful tree in the world. When I got to America however the tree was missing. I recall catching glimpses of it in peoples back yards but as a ghost it was gone when I later returned to where I thought it lived.
After almost getting killed the cave was a disappointment. I expected crystals of every color set aglow by lasers but instead the overly excited ranger who seemed to have forgotten she was still bleeding gave a tour that consisted of rock formations she called Cave Bacon and some curly protrusions she said existed in no other cave in such quantities. Shit, if I only knew I could charge people to see curly protrusions.
After almost getting killed the cave was a disappointment. I expected crystals of every color set aglow by lasers but instead the overly excited ranger who seemed to have forgotten she was still bleeding gave a tour that consisted of rock formations she called Cave Bacon and some curly protrusions she said existed in no other cave in such quantities. Shit, if I only knew I could charge people to see curly protrusions.
The ranger was a 5th grade teacher during the week and treated myself and the other 6 visitors as she would her class. Before going inside she asked, does anyone know the first rule of exploring a protected natural cave? I raised my hand, don't pee inside the cave? She was not amused. Thankfully it was over quickly, just like a colonoscopy and I was through to the other side. It was getting late and the ranger decided to follow me down and yell at me as I leaned over the sides to take pictures of Utah valley. 
Along the way we noticed that one of the other visitors traveling ahead of us must be removing the signs and chucking them off the mountain. When the ranger stopped to radio in this emergency I took the opportunity to sneak away and hurry the rest of the way down, passing a very nice couple I was sure were responsible.
Thankfully I own a GPS which told me I could be home in 12 minutes if I took one road, and an hour if I went the long way. I drove for a long time through forests that would have looked exactly like this had I gotten out and taken a picture.
Another 15 minutes driving up through the mountains had me passing a river that I could only hear bellow. Then one last turn I crested a hill and there it was. As far as I could see bellow cloud covered mountains rolling Aspen filled hills full of colors that put Massachusetts Fall season to shame. 
This is my new favorite place on earth. I am taking one of those trees with me when it comes time to leave this state.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Praise Jebus
I really wanted to keep posting on a regular basis but last night the 2 bartenders who live upstairs from me were throwing a loud party which kept me from concentrating on my writing. I had no choice but to go upstairs and explain my one simple rule of throwing loud parties after hours, which resulted in my slight hangover this morning. I’m actually not sure what they do for a living.
I’ve heard a lot about how beautiful the parks and trails are and yesterday despite the weather decided to explore the Timpanogos Cave located high in the Wasatch Mountains. I didn’t want to go alone and tried inviting the 2 girls I’ve dated but they just mumbled something about crazy people hiking up mountains in the rain. So off I went alone but determined and despite my earlier experience unarmed.
The ominous pass that leads through the mountains is only a few miles from my house. I was unprepared for the miraculous transformation from desert to lush forests just on the other side.
After licking my poncho dry and 18 rest brakes I was almost at the top of the mountain when I heard that clapping sound the ranger warned me about. I wasn’t sure what it was nor where it was coming from so I stopped to analyze the situation. About 3 seconds later a huge rock smashed into a thousand pieces and left a very large depression where I would have been had I kept moving. A ranger with a bloody arm came out to see if I was ok, she had been thrown out of the way of the other falling rocks by another ranger.
At least I arrived at the cave with 10 minutes to spare.
Tomorrow I will post pictures of Cave Bacon and the sights I encountered on my way down the mountain.
I’ve heard a lot about how beautiful the parks and trails are and yesterday despite the weather decided to explore the Timpanogos Cave located high in the Wasatch Mountains. I didn’t want to go alone and tried inviting the 2 girls I’ve dated but they just mumbled something about crazy people hiking up mountains in the rain. So off I went alone but determined and despite my earlier experience unarmed.
The ominous pass that leads through the mountains is only a few miles from my house. I was unprepared for the miraculous transformation from desert to lush forests just on the other side.
At the ranger station I purchased a ticket for a guided tour of the cave for an hour in the future to give myself more than enough time to casually walk the 2 miles up the mountain. The ranger left me with one piece of advice. She said the rain increases the chance of rock slides on the mountain. If I hear clapping sounds, get small next to the mountain, put my hands over my head and pray to Jebus. Stories told to scare small children into staying close by their parents, I was sure.
I bought a poncho to keep dry and started on my way. The walk was amazingly easy at first with only a slight incline, then very quickly it got steeper. Before long I was wheezing like an old man. Children stopped to check on me as they passed by on their way down merrily skipping along. Again I didn’t think to bring any water and took to sucking the rain off my poncho to keep myself hydrated. Note to self, when hiking, bring water and a 45.
The very first sign I encountered was designed to preserve the natural beauty for future visitors that read "All minerals plants or animals must be left undisturbed." I didn’t give the last part of that much thought until I encountered other signs during my hike up the mountain.
The last animal sign convinced me that the rangers really know how to put visitors at ease. It read “Wild animals are not accustomed to human food, it could make them sick". The two things I didn’t see on my way up were rangers who must have a secret elevator and other “crazy” people hiking up in the rain.
About halfway up I encountered another sign. Damn this mountain has a lot of signs. This one read, “Do not stop in the striped areas, increased risk of rock slides”. That makes perfect sense to me I thought as I stopped in the middle of one to take this picture. If those rocks were to fall and hit me in the head, they could cause a tumor or something.
After licking my poncho dry and 18 rest brakes I was almost at the top of the mountain when I heard that clapping sound the ranger warned me about. I wasn’t sure what it was nor where it was coming from so I stopped to analyze the situation. About 3 seconds later a huge rock smashed into a thousand pieces and left a very large depression where I would have been had I kept moving. A ranger with a bloody arm came out to see if I was ok, she had been thrown out of the way of the other falling rocks by another ranger.
At least I arrived at the cave with 10 minutes to spare.
Tomorrow I will post pictures of Cave Bacon and the sights I encountered on my way down the mountain.
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