Camo cat

I am susceptible to short periods of laziness lasting only as long as minor obstacles present themselves, so downpours of rain and hail are enough to deter me from making a trek through the woods 2 weeks in a row. I've been extremely lucky all my life, which is why I must seek reasons outside of coincidence for this latest pattern of weekend rain. If the great men of science from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can diagnose the reason for global warming, surely through abstract science I can determine the reason for these unusual downpours in the desert.

I have hard evidence that Utah was crime free prior to my arrival. In addition I've been told that Utah has been experiencing an extreme drought for the last 6 years. If you can believe that my arrival did not in itself introduce a shady element, which I know is a stretch, then you can infer that the amount of crime is directly proportional to the rain. Which only by coincidence has started on the exact date of my landing in Salt Lake.

I give you a simple game store owner, content in his grim existence devoid of female distractions. Had I not been giving an intern a ride home who knew of the stores location I would not have found it despite my GPS telling me I had arrived. The store you see was devoid of signage. This perturbed me. Why would a store owner run a business establishment without proper signage? I was about to put this inquiry to the grim proprietor, when the intern stopped me and in doing so probably saved my life. You see only weeks prior someone had stolen the large signage over his shop and he was extremely grumpy in regards to anyone bringing up the subject.

Those of you who read this blog in the security that you have seen your last cat may want to stop here, for now I bring you some photos at the request of my family. My sister asked me what do I see when I open my front door. She was disappointed with the answer being the door across the hall, however if I walk down half a flight of stairs onto the sidewalk I am presented with this site.

My mom was wondering how I live, so following is a photo of one of the items I picked up this weekend to make this place feel more like home.

Since this isn't just my home, here is a closeup of the other resident blending into the new furniture.

Fifth times the charm

I've never been one to put up with stupid time consuming crap and choosing basic services is based as much on convenience as on quality. I realize Verizon is not the cheapest cell phone company and I have heard horror stories in regards to their customer service, but as long as I could pay my bills right on my cell phone it never really effected me.

Five months ago I got a call from the Verizon customer service department informing me that I was about to go over my monthly minutes which would be very expensive under my current plan. I was offered a new upgraded phone if I agreed to extend my contract for 2 years and up my plan to 1000 minutes. This sounded like a win win, so I wholeheartedly agreed.

Four months ago I got another call from Verizon telling me that due to technical difficulties, my agreement to the new contract had not been recorded and I would have to agree to all the terms, which the representative insisted in reading in slow monotonous tones one item at a time. I begged him to stop, telling him I would agree to all his terms, but he insisted that each one had to be read carefully and my agreement had to be recorded to each one. Fine, I persevered and finlay made it to the end of the presentation.

Three months ago, I got another call from Verizon telling me that I was not eligible for a free phone since I was agreeing to an upgraded contract and my old one had not run out, and if I could please agree to the terms again, under the new arrangement. Please no I pleaded with the man, but he would have none of it. 30 minutes later he had my torture recorded and I was out one new phone.

Two Months ago, I got a call from another Verizon representative telling me I now owed close to $700 because all my contracts were void and I was not allowed to have my agreements recorded in the state of Massachusetts. Instead I had to sign a contract that she would send me, after which she would agree to remove the extra charges due to going over the minutes I was already promised were mine by 3 other service reps.

Last month prior to leaving Massachusetts, trying to get my affairs in order, I drove to a Verizon service center. I signed a contract with a black pen and despite the service manager towering a foot over my head, made perfectly clear that I was signing up for 2 more years and had him remove all charges from my account.

This week I got a call from Verizon. Right away I asked to speak to the supervisor because I already knew what was coming. The supervisor informed me that my plan was going to expire in 2 months and offered me a free phone if I agreed to have my contract extended by 2 more years. She assured me she could extent this agreement over the phone.

Two months from now I am finally getting my brand new phone, with a larger keypad, much better camera and a brand new cell phone service provider.

Random thought

How did I ever live without central heating? How does anyone?

My tree

Back in the Ukraine my mom had a carved picture of an Aspen tree. I spent many nights falling asleep looking at that carving thinking it must be the most buitiful tree in the world. When I got to America however the tree was missing. I recall catching glimpses of it in peoples back yards but as a ghost it was gone when I later returned to where I thought it lived.

After almost getting killed the cave was a disappointment. I expected crystals of every color set aglow by lasers but instead the overly excited ranger who seemed to have forgotten she was still bleeding gave a tour that consisted of rock formations she called Cave Bacon and some curly protrusions she said existed in no other cave in such quantities. Shit, if I only knew I could charge people to see curly protrusions.

The ranger was a 5th grade teacher during the week and treated myself and the other 6 visitors as she would her class. Before going inside she asked, does anyone know the first rule of exploring a protected natural cave? I raised my hand, don't pee inside the cave? She was not amused. Thankfully it was over quickly, just like a colonoscopy and I was through to the other side. It was getting late and the ranger decided to follow me down and yell at me as I leaned over the sides to take pictures of Utah valley. Along the way we noticed that one of the other visitors traveling ahead of us must be removing the signs and chucking them off the mountain. When the ranger stopped to radio in this emergency I took the opportunity to sneak away and hurry the rest of the way down, passing a very nice couple I was sure were responsible.

Thankfully I own a GPS which told me I could be home in 12 minutes if I took one road, and an hour if I went the long way. I drove for a long time through forests that would have looked exactly like this had I gotten out and taken a picture.
Another 15 minutes driving up through the mountains had me passing a river that I could only hear bellow. Then one last turn I crested a hill and there it was. As far as I could see bellow cloud covered mountains rolling Aspen filled hills full of colors that put Massachusetts Fall season to shame. This is my new favorite place on earth. I am taking one of those trees with me when it comes time to leave this state.

Praise Jebus

I really wanted to keep posting on a regular basis but last night the 2 bartenders who live upstairs from me were throwing a loud party which kept me from concentrating on my writing. I had no choice but to go upstairs and explain my one simple rule of throwing loud parties after hours, which resulted in my slight hangover this morning. I’m actually not sure what they do for a living.

I’ve heard a lot about how beautiful the parks and trails are and yesterday despite the weather decided to explore the Timpanogos Cave located high in the Wasatch Mountains. I didn’t want to go alone and tried inviting the 2 girls I’ve dated but they just mumbled something about crazy people hiking up mountains in the rain. So off I went alone but determined and despite my earlier experience unarmed.

The ominous pass that leads through the mountains is only a few miles from my house. I was unprepared for the miraculous transformation from desert to lush forests just on the other side.

At the ranger station I purchased a ticket for a guided tour of the cave for an hour in the future to give myself more than enough time to casually walk the 2 miles up the mountain. The ranger left me with one piece of advice. She said the rain increases the chance of rock slides on the mountain. If I hear clapping sounds, get small next to the mountain, put my hands over my head and pray to Jebus. Stories told to scare small children into staying close by their parents, I was sure.

I bought a poncho to keep dry and started on my way. The walk was amazingly easy at first with only a slight incline, then very quickly it got steeper. Before long I was wheezing like an old man. Children stopped to check on me as they passed by on their way down merrily skipping along. Again I didn’t think to bring any water and took to sucking the rain off my poncho to keep myself hydrated. Note to self, when hiking, bring water and a 45.

The very first sign I encountered was designed to preserve the natural beauty for future visitors that read "All minerals plants or animals must be left undisturbed." I didn’t give the last part of that much thought until I encountered other signs during my hike up the mountain.

The last animal sign convinced me that the rangers really know how to put visitors at ease. It read “Wild animals are not accustomed to human food, it could make them sick". The two things I didn’t see on my way up were rangers who must have a secret elevator and other “crazy” people hiking up in the rain.

About halfway up I encountered another sign. Damn this mountain has a lot of signs. This one read, “Do not stop in the striped areas, increased risk of rock slides”. That makes perfect sense to me I thought as I stopped in the middle of one to take this picture. If those rocks were to fall and hit me in the head, they could cause a tumor or something.

After licking my poncho dry and 18 rest brakes I was almost at the top of the mountain when I heard that clapping sound the ranger warned me about. I wasn’t sure what it was nor where it was coming from so I stopped to analyze the situation. About 3 seconds later a huge rock smashed into a thousand pieces and left a very large depression where I would have been had I kept moving. A ranger with a bloody arm came out to see if I was ok, she had been thrown out of the way of the other falling rocks by another ranger.

At least I arrived at the cave with 10 minutes to spare.

Tomorrow I will post pictures of Cave Bacon and the sights I encountered on my way down the mountain.

Interns for everyone

My trip to the local colleges has really paid off. We have had a number of interns asking to join us for the quest scripting and artist positions. They are however a bit green and some have a warped sense of the operational structure at a game company.

Yesterday we had an English major come in to interview for a quest writer position. We explained that our engine has most but not all of the capabilities he wants to implement, to which he suggested that we should go whip the coders until they implement the desired functionality.

Before he is allowed to interact with the developers I am going to have to explain that the pecking order goes something like this.

Executive producer
Producer
Lead designer
Coder
Artist
QA tester
Water delivery guy
Mother of one of the QA testers
Intern
PR director

Once he understands where he stands, he will have much more realistic expectations of what he can expect from this position besides excellent experience to add to his resume.

Wholesome family values

I’ve had writers block for the last few days. I’m sure it was due to a number of factors but most likely it was seeing this rare desert sea lion. I think they are also called California sea lions by some people who “claim” to be in the know.
One of the things I found most appealing about Utah was the lack of crime. After someone broke into my car in Massachusetts and made off with my GPS I felt completely violated, not to mention stranded with absolutely no way of finding my way home. It was refreshing to discover that crime did not exist in Utah; I got this information first hand from a lady that runs Valpak.

Valpak is a business that sells gift certificates at half price that can be used instead of cash at local establishments that range from a board game store to a Mexican restaurant. These gift certificates I found out upon visiting the Valpak offices are nothing more than black and white photo copies. I was informed that this is possible in Utah due to wholesome family values and a sense of community pride.

Intrigued by these honest people, I wanted to participate. So I went out and bought myself a flag that I proudly displayed outside my office building in recognition of national speak like a pirate day.
The flag was promptly stolen that evening. I swear I am utilizing my other new found Utah freedom of gun ownership and camping by a tree outside the office.

Also I have located 20 photo copies for free burritos that somehow materialized in my wallet.

Everyone does it

I have taken up the torch for the company developer’s blog. I added the link on a new side navigation I put up over on the right. It had not been updated since late July, but I think the players will really enjoy a reading my twisted views on what goes on at a game studio.
Also I will put links there to blogs that my friends keep which obviously are not as cool as mine.

Drive through prayer

In today's on-line communities human moderators are required. Even the best designed games such as World of Warcraft still benefit from having real people on-line to not only remove a certain undesirable element but also to hold the hand of new players who can feel overwhelmed by the size of a product designed to keep a players attention for many months even years.

I spent some time today interviewing potential guides who will act as both moderators and greeters in Saga. There is still much to do. I need to fill the private guide forums with instructions and guidance on how these volunteers can best assist us in welcoming new players and how to handle potentially explosive situations with white gloves so as to avoid indiscriminate banning of our customers. I want my guides to have every tool possible to assist them in their task, and fortunately I am getting great support from the producers who have allocated resources to allow my designs to be implemented.

The day ended unusually early. The executive producer for this studio is also a film producer and invited the staff to attend the local premier of his latest film Moving McAllister. On the way to the film I experienced Utah traffic. Two miles of bumper to bumper traffic, moving past an accident on the side of the road with a 65 MPH prayer for the well being of the victims. This is contradictory to east coast traffic where motorists feel it is vital to slow down before using God and Jesus in a slightly different context.

This is a fudge display from one out of over 20 different restaurants serving the largest in terms of gross income theaters in America. I am told the reason for this is Mormons don't drink or smoke or even do drugs to relax, so going to the movies is a more common form of entertainment.

Food of the gods

I often find myself driving along at the direction of my GPS sounding similar to a nagging wife when all of a sudden I see something unbelievable out of the corner of my eye. Often it is unremarkable at least for Utah such as a lady with 11 kids in tow walking not far behind her friend who is herding 12 of her own. Sometimes however I see things that I have to return to photograph, much to the disappointment of my electric wife.

No one would believe me if I posted that today I saw 87 empty bottles of all sized being sold by a man wearing a suite sitting in an old rocking chair unremarkable except for a shotgun that seems somehow out of place with his attire. So here is a picture of the bottles, there either was no old man or I have gained wisdom enough in my travels not to take pictures of men with shotguns.
This one had my wheels screeching like one of the racers from The Fast and the Furious. I had to restrain myself as I gazed upon their selection of the finest desert ever invented by man and its accompanying toppings. Unable to take a picture of the selection due to shaking hands I was only able to point and grunt at the server who seemed accustomed to this behavior and packed for me my choice of blueberry rice pudding with chocolate shavings to go.